Monday, May 28, 2007


I read a report over the weekend about the new rubbish collection, this government is making me sick. For a start they are planning on reducing the rubbish collection to once every 2 weeks, surely there is a heath issue with this, secondly, if you decide to take your rubbish to the tip yourself you will be fined, what the fuck has got into these people's head, are they truly fuckwitts or what.

So, instead of upgrading the rubbish collection service, they are going to spends thousands of pounds on number plate recognition system to log your movements into and out of the rubbish tip, what the hell !!!, this means that the council will have access to complete DVLA records which also cannot be good, the reasoning for this is that if we need to take our rubbish to the tip we are producing too much so we will be fined.

What the fuck are these guys thinking, do they believe that I get up in the morning and say to myself, I know, today I create loads of rubbish, I don't and I suspect nobody does. How about stopping junk mail, that accounts for a bin full of shit every week, how about getting supermarkets to reduce the packaging on goods, how about stopping other companies putting everything into massive boxes, all my rubbish is created by other people, I already recycle everything I possible can and if industry helped by reducing packaging I would have less to recycle.,

Come on you government fuckwitts stop making these stupid decisions, your policy is aimed at the wrong people and it WILL increase fly tipping, wake up and resolve the real issue.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Things are too complex

I have decided that we make things too hard for ourselves and I have come up with a solution to identify if things are wrong.

My daughter is almost 3 and like most 3 year olds she is asking about things, I explain to her and she either understands or doesn't, so this rule of thumb should be used from now on, if a 3 year old can understand it... its fine, if not it's too complex and should be reworked.

I use an example, British coins, why are £1 smaller than 2p or 50p ?, explain that to a child, that the small little £1 is actually worth more than the 2p, you can't, why ? because its stupid.

Credit Card Security

I read with interest all this fuss about TK Max giving away 45 million customers credit card details, the press saying how they must guard information more closely, well that's not the answer.

I was a consultant working in a company which took credit card payments, one day they handed me a file with some data I needed, I needed just some information like Name and Address, anyway this file not only contained what I needed, but also the credit card details of each person as well, I had only been in the office 2 hours !

The answer is simple, if you use something like world pay, as a merchant the credit card details are not passed to you, only world pay have them, thus stopping stupid companies like the one mentioned above having to worry about ensuring their procedures are tight.

Bottom line is companies cannot be trusted, therefore this information should not be given to them.... simple

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Thought my Luck was In

Let me set the scene, I live next door to a couple of lesbians, a few days ago there was a knock on the door, it was one of the lesbians, she looked at me, smiled and said they needed a man, imagine my surprise and pleasure, a dream come true.

So around I went only to be discover that they were doing some DIY, trying to fit a Cat Flap to their back door, of course I helped them out and left disappointed.

What is it with lesbians and pussy's.

Friday, May 18, 2007

A Little Story

A man was sitting in his living room one Saturday, when he saw the women who lived across the road come over and knock on his front door, said man answer saying hello to his neighbour, she replied by saying she needed some mussel and would the kind man help her out, of course said the man and off they went to her house thinking she needed something heavy moving.

On entering the house the woman says to the man, the 3 of them are up stairs, a Taxi Driver and his 2 foreign girls, they have been having sex all night and will now not leave, so will said man go up stairs and remove them. Of course, said man looks at the women in amazement, is she serious, what if these people have a gun or knife, why has the women not called the police. Wanting not to look like a wimp, the man walks slowly upstairs and says Hello, no reply, so he walks into the spare bedroom to find nothing, only 2 suitcases, he shouts down to the woman and says there is nobody there, women replies by saying they are hiding, so man has to check every cupboard, under the beds etc., but nobody is found.

He walks back down stairs to talk to the women and explains that nobody is there, women says they are upstairs as she can still hear them, man now is a little worried, so he goes upstairs again to check, nobody there, women now asks man to bring suitcases downstairs as they are there’s, this he does. At which point women opens one of the suitcases saying that one of the foreign girls is hiding in the suitcase!, once discovered it is empty, she turns to the man and says, they are still upstairs, but they can make themselves flat so you can’t see them, at which point, man very nervously says there is nobody in the house and makes a polite exit.

Holy shit, said man is now shitting himself as he clearly has a nutter living across the road from him, I’m looking for a new house.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Sun Pat Peanut Butter

This morning I decided to have a treat, so Peanut Butter on toast was my breakfast, unfortunately my wife had decided to decimate our supply of peanut butter, leaving only the dregs left in the bottom.

So here is the complaint (no not the wife for a change), why oh why do Sun Pay have a stupid expanded bit at the bottom of the jar, the peanut butter is almost impossible to extract from this ridge, I'm going to invent a Sun Pat peanut butter extraction tool to help people get all their peanut butter out of the stupidly designed jar.

But then I thought... what a good ploy by Sun Pat, if you can't get all the peanut butter out, you will have to buy more jars.... ummm interesting

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Sofa Update

Bloody company has gone into liquidation.... I'm stuffed.... unless credit card can do something.... its with them now.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Diet Bloody Diet

So tell me, why are all the nice things to eat really bad for you, too much sugar, too much fat, too many calories, I'm getting pissed off now.

Its not that I am going to fall off the wagon and go back to my crazy days of having the old pie or 50, but I just want something that is nice. I had a look at Olive Oil today (cooking dinner), shit have you seen how many calories are in a tablespoon of Olive Oil.

I therefore have a great idea to make myself lots of money, invent a food that tastes as good as Fish & Chips but has the same calories and fat content of a piece of lettuce.... there you see it is easy to make money, I'm off to invent my food now.